


Do you believe?

by snowbloodapple



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Rape, Sexual Violence, Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-19 08:14:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11309358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowbloodapple/pseuds/snowbloodapple
Summary: No matter how broken I am... No matter how many times he will come back and torture me... I will have my normal life back... I will have my peaceful life back for sure... At that time, I really believed that...





	1. Shackles

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING

**Chapter 1: Shackles**

 

* * *

 

 

  
**"No! No! Stay away from me! No..."**

  
  
My voice is slowly dying away to nothingness. Why? Why is he doing this to me? Is he doing this to get himself this sick excitement?

  
  
**"You feel so fucking good, whore!"**

  
  
His voice is so husk and deep by my ear and it sickens me to know my body is used to his sick actions. I hate to admit it myself but it feels so sickly good with him...

  
  
**"Ah...!"**

  
  
No matter how much I hate him, no matter how much I detest rape, he takes advantages of my desire for release to make me writhe for him. I cannot see his face, which I am glad for the existence of blindfolds, but something told me he is smirking by the skin of my neck.

  
  
**"I...I'm gonna...c-cum..."**

  
  
I really regret telling him that because he had stopped all movements. I felt the weight of the bed decreased. Where is he going?!

  
  
**"Ah...Kuh...nng..."**

  
  
Am I trembling? What is this feeling of desire running through me?

  
  
**"Beg for my dick."**

  
  
I am foolish to have forgotten. This bastard loves to dominate my body and make me his sex slave. I am not that low to beg for him to rape me, I am not willing! But my body really desires something...

  
  
**"Come on...you want to cum, no?"**

  
  
He pumped me and started licking me, I could feel his wet tongue playing with my slit. I don't want him to hear me but it's so hard to keep myself in control when he's being so damn good to me.

  
  
**"S-stop it..."**

  
  
It feels so good...yes...I hate myself for playing around his little finger...he is going to make me want him...

  
  
**"Stop it? Okay."**

  
  
He did exactly as I told him and all actions stopped. Before I even did anything, he sat himself behind me, lift me up and started prodding my hole against him.

  
  
**"Hah! No..."**

  
  
My mind is screaming in vain for him to stop and for time to freeze but my body clearly wants him to penetrate me. Why is he humiliating me like this? Why is he destroying me-

  
  
**"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"**

  
  
I couldn't help myself. I instantly threw my head back against his shoulder as he moved me against him.

  
  
**"Ah! Ah! Aah! Y-yes!"**

  
  
This is rape. I am unwilling but he took advantage of carefully preparing me like a lover and make my body desire him. For the past days it has been like this; he makes me feel good on purpose so I wouldn't struggle against him when he rapes me.

  
**"Ah!"**

  
  
**"Do you want to cum?"**

  
  
**"D-damn you...yes..."**

  
I don't give a fuck anymore! Just give me my release you sick twisted piece of shit!

  
  
**"Then keep riding me and don't stop."**

  
  
My eyes rolled back. Ahh...my best orgasm ever will be from my rapist. Disugusting...

  
  
**"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

  
  
Why am I screaming to the night when no one will hear me?

  
  
**"Ah...hah...hah...hah..."**

  
  
Why is he holding me close to him like a lover would? He beats me, blinds me, and only lets me eat whenever he felt like feeding me...  
  
"You've been such a good boy. Would you like to eat tonight?"  
  
He didn't feed me yesterday because I tried to escape him when he was asleep and the ropes were loose. I slowly shook my head but I was punched across the face.

  
  
**"No! No! No..."**

  
  
I am not one to cry but he enjoys beating me to the point of crying in nothing but pain.

  
  
**"Try to run away again...I'll fucking kill you."**

 

* * *

 


	2. In The Eye of the Hurricane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " There are moments that the words don’t reach  
> There is suffering too terrible to name  
> You hold your child as tight as you can  
> And push away the unimaginable  
> The moments when you’re in so deep  
> It feels easier to just swim down " -- It's Quiet Uptown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Slammy_The_It for the first one who bookmarked this story. Thank you.

 

 

-Detective Hatsune! What do you and Dectective Shion have to say to this case?-

I can hear the sound of the television. Such a bastard he is for blinding me since day 1...

-We will do our best to track that guy down. We don't know if he has any victims right now as we speak but I know one thing for sure: He will regret the very day of living once we catch him-

 

Though I cannot see, I know not all hopes are gone; I hope Detective Hatsune and Shion will find me soon and take me away from this unknown home of filth.

 

**"Why do they look so familiar every single time I turn the news on...?"**

 

What the fuck? Is he speaking to me?

 

**"Have you seen them before?"**

 

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to keep a conversation with him or anything, I don't want him to punch me again. It hurts more when your sight's taken away from you...

**"Think so...it's this nostalgic feeling..."**

**"Oh...okay..."**

 

Oh god...I can feel him move next to me on this oddly comfortable sofa of his.

 

**"You are odd...you don't beg for your escape..."**

"You punch me in the fucking face! How am I supposed to know you're not gonna do anything? You've took my sight away.. **."**

**"I hate the look of my victims."**

"Why are you doing this?"

**"Don't know. I felt like it."**

 

This really puts me on a bad spot...not only I cannot see but I am next to a psychopath with a twisted hobby of beating his victims and raping their backside...

 

**"You are a good boy...i like you."**

 

I could feel him hug me to him so tenderly. His hug's so tender and warm like Gakupo's...  
Haha...funny...  
Why am I thinking about Gaku at this time? It's not like he's going to save me just because I call out for him because it has been 15 years since we have seen each other...

 

_"Gakupo, you look so cool with your hair tied! I wanna try it to!"_

Gakupo was another boy in the orphanage and I always run to him for help or when I want a banana Gakupo's always gentle with me and he always let me have my way.

_"Len, you're not as good-looking as me when you wear it. You're more cute."_

_"Eh?! But I don't wanna be cute! I wanna be cool like you!"_

_"Hmm...how old are you now?"_

_"9."_

_"You still have a lot of time to be cool."_

_"Mou...Hm? Mikuo! Akaito! Gakupo said I am cute! Tell him I can be cool too!"_

_"But you are cute."_

 

Thinking about the past will always make me smile. Even though it's past 15 years, those memories will always be precious to me.

 

**"You are smiling."**

**"What about it? Am I not allowed to make myself feel better?"**

**"You are...weird."**

 

 

Don't kiss me on the lips you bastard...only Gakupo is allowed to kiss me...

 

_"Gakupo, where are you going?"_

_"I have a new family who will take me in..."_

_"But...but what about me? Akaito and Mikuo's gone...I don't want to lose you too..."_

_"Don't be like that, Len. Mikuo and Akaito always come back and share their new toys with you."_

_"Still...what if you never come back?"_

_"I will! I won't leave you behind. Ever."_

_"Gakupo..."_

_"Len, close your eyes."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because I am shy and I wanna kiss you without you looking at me."_

_"Okay! I always want my first kiss with Gakupo!"_

 

He finally backs away and he started stripping the shirt he had dressed me in. The cold air made me shiver as he started ravishing the skin of my neck. Gakupo, I know it's childish of me for thinking of you and still holding onto you but I really wish you will come and save me from this guy...

 

My fists balled to the point of cramping as he started thrusting his body into me.

**"Let's try something new today...do you know what this is?"** It's cold...wait, what the fuck?! He's going to-

**"No! Don't! I'll do anything! Please! Don't do this..."**

**"Give me a reason why not?"**

**"Because...because...it will hurt..."**

**"Why are you crying? I haven't even done anything to you yet."**

 

I can feel the blade's sharp end softly touching my face. One wrong move from me, I will be cut, and one precise move from him will cut me too. I am tied up with chains...  
Gakupo, help me...

 

**"Ahh! MMMMPPPH HMMM!"**

 

He forced his hand to shut all the voices from me as the blade start making red trails on my abdomen.

 

**"Fucking shut up!"**

 

The past days, I have learn to not make this guy repeat himself because I know he will just back slap me or punch me like a punchbag.

 

**"Your skin is so white..."**

 

My only choice is to bite my lips shut and taste the metallic blood as he continued to use me as his portrait. What is he writing on me? I am scared...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you still reading? I'm planning to finish typing this story by the end of the week until I realize it's Friday already. Is it weird that I check statistics thrice a day?
> 
> Kudos to those people who noticed the Hamilton reference...


	3. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lied because I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to change your views just because of the truth and yet... I know lying hurts, I was too naive and too ignorant not to think of what you will feel, instead I was focusing on how will you see me... I lied because I want to make you smile, make you happy even though it's all a lie. I know it's too late to apologize, I don't ask for forgiveness at this point but... I am sorry for everything. If we ever meet again... If life will allow me and you to see each other again. Will you let me hold you in my arms?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah~ The chapter summary isn't really a summary. I apologize for that summary you'll understand those in the future.

 

 

He's not feeding me today because I have screamed a lot.  
He had cut me. He ignored my every whimper and enjoyed using me to his bidding. I have to get out to salvation but he overpowers me so much...

 **"Hey, let's take a bath together."**  
**"What's the point...it's not going to wash off anyway..."**

I didn't mean to provoke him but he took it as a sign of provoke and pulled me by my blonde hair.

 **"I am not in a good mood today so you better fucking please me and relief me from stress."**  
**"..."**

What can I say? I dare not to even say a thing that will aggravate him against me.

 **"I will untie you. You do anything funny or take off your blindfold then I will cut off your nipples and your dick. Got it?"**  
**"Y-yes..."**

He didn't need to repeat this every time we have a bath. I am used to not moving a muscle against this guy. Last time I attempted to hit him or take off the blindfold, the guy went nuts and started raping me and even so far to drown me close to death.

**"Here, careful you don't slip."**

Times like when he's gentle with me for a whole day was rare but at least I won't be hurt.

 **"Too hot? Too cold?"**  
**"I'm fine."**  
**"I'll wash you."**  
**"..."**

 _"Gakupo, look! The ship is sinking!"_  
_"Len, you should stop taking bath toys to the bath if possible. You're getting too old for them."_  
_"Aww...but then I'll have to start bathing on my own..."_  
_"Eh? Says who? You're getting rid of the toys but you're staying bathing with me."_  
_"Yay!"_

Tears left my eyes and slowly fall with the tub's water. I think he took notice of me because he started to tenderly kiss and lick my tears. I don't want him to kiss my tears because Gakupo used to do that...

" **Stay here. Don't fucking scream."**

I can feel him move away from washing me. Where is he going, I don't know...

* * *

How many weeks has it been since I've been here? My curiosity got the best of me sooner and I moved my blindfold slightly upwards to see what I didn't expect: A very clean bathroom. The tub I'm in is very white and clean...

**"..."**

It's not what I expected to see at all...  
I hear noises. I think it's best to blind myself once again.

  
**"Hey...let's get you dried up, okay?"**

**"Y-yeah..."**

I allow him to help me step out of the tub and dry me off with a fluffy towel.

**"Do you wash your victims?"**

I felt him stop and cup my face with his hands.

**"Not usually. Out of all victims, you are my favorite one."**

Yeah, I kind of noticed that.

**"Will you tell me your name now?"**

 

Hell no. I hear him chuckle in amusement when I refuse to answer his question since day 1 of my captivity.

  
**"I really want to know your name."**

**"..."**

**"I'm-"**

**"I don't want to know."**

**"Shall we go out?"**

**"B-but I'm not even dressed!"**

**"You don't need your clothes."**

 

Not only does my body feel cold but my heart dropped dead in an instant when he started pulling me out of the bathroom.

**"Yo! Wheres our toy?"**

**"Why is he blindfolded?"**

**"He's very skinny. You should feed him properly."**

3 new voices...who the hell are they? I'm scared...

**"Fucking give me my fucking money and he's all yours. He gives the best blowjobs ever."**

**He can't be serious!**

**"W-wait! Please! I don't want to..."**

 

So this is why he cleaned me! He cleaned me just to make me clean for his 'customers'. I am nothing but a mere object to him...

**"What is the problem? I made sure none of my friends have aids or any diseases so they are clean."**

**"But-"**

**"Fucking shut up complaining and get into the bedroom!"**

 

One of them punched me in the stomach and and grabbed me by my neck. I start to struggle like mad and my blindfold slowly slips down to my neck. These 3 rough men, none of them is my captor. Where is the one who caught me and brought me to this hell hole?  
The door shuts and hell starts...

* * *

**"My turn! My turn! Suck me now!"**

I am so tired...  
I am in so much pain...  
I am bleeding again...

**"Hey, hey! He's starting to faint! Get water in here!"**

My body is being used to their liking is there really nothing I can-

**"Gggrgglll Guh!"**

They are drowning me with water. The suffocating feeling of water entering through my nose hurts...  
Gakupo, help me...

**"Hey! Sing a song while fingering yourself!"**

**"Yeah! Do it!"**

**"Sing!"**

When I didn't move, one of them punched my head. It hurts...  
I did as I was told and I positioned myself over my finger. There's no pleasure at all but I have to pretend to like it, pretend to put on a show for them...

 _"I tsu no... hi mo... kimi o... omou yo _  
_dakishimeta... kata... no kanshoku..._  
_tokete... kiete nakunaru... mae ni..._  
_kimi ni... ai ni... yuku yo"_

**"Hey! This one's a good singer!"**

**"Haha! What an idiot! He thinks singing so painfully will make us feel sorry for him!"**

**"Look, don't make us look like the devil over here because the true devil is out there! Haha!"**

  
**"Who...is my captor?"**

I could barely speak, with little strength left in me, I at least wish to know who my captor is.

**"As if we're gonna tell you, you little shit!"**

**"GAH!"**

I feel sick just from a kick to the stomach. This nauseous feeling became too much...I puked.

**"God! The bitch just puked!"**

**"How dare you soil the place."**

The next thing I knew, I was thrown to the floor and kicked and punched by these monsters.

**"Sorry! I'm sorry! Stop..."**

If they could at least feel a little bit of my pain...  
Even if it's just a little...  
It's enough...

 

* * *

I've never felt so much degradation in my life. I hugged the soiled covers close as I tried to tell my wrecked body to sleep.

 

**"Hold on...just hold on a little longer...Len...just hold on..."**

 

Will I be able to escape from this madness? Will I be saved? I am losing all hopes to even keep my breath from dying...

* * *

Huh? What? What is this melody? It's so familiar...  
I forced myself up, feeling pain right away. It hurts to move but I have to see where the melody is coming from... I sneaked out of the lonely bedroom and went downstairs to the living room to hear the melody getting louder. What a beautiful music box... Is this song to mark my death in this hell? The door was slightly ajar so I peeked through it to see the back of my captor. For the first time, I have noticed the long, soft violet locks of my captor and also, a black long lace tied from the back of his hair... I have seen it somewhere? _It so familiar_.

I moved the door open much more to get a clear view of the box...the box that was once mine...

 _"Gaku, please accept this."_  
_"B-but Len...this is something your parents left behind...I can't-"_  
_"Gakupo, please keep it safe until we meet again..."_  
_"Len..."_  
_"You can give it back to me until we meet again, ne?"_  
_"We will meet again! I promise!"_  
_"Gaku...po"_

At hearing the whisper, my captor slowly turned himself with a puzzled look. He is Gakupo, the black lace tied onto his hair proves it...  
Slowly those glamorous days started to fade.

 _"I want to look like you"_  
_"I always want my first kiss with you"_  
_"We will meet again! I promise!"_

_'you promise'_

_..._

_..._

_**"...Len?"** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " itsu no hi mo kimi o omou yo  
> dakishimeta kata no kanshoku  
> tokete kiete nakunaru mae ni  
> kimi ni ai ni yuku yo " -- Imitation Black by VanaNIce ( Len Kagamine, Kamui Gakupo & Kaito Shion )  
> translation:  
> I will be thinking of you everyday.  
> Before the sensation of our hugging shoulders  
> melts and fades away,  
> I will go meet you.
> 
> You are still reading?! Wow~ Will finish typing the story within seven days.. Once again, thank you for reading and wait for the next chapter, it will be posted tomorrow...
> 
> Can someone comment down below on how can I check who left the kudos? Thanks.


	4. Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DIS·AP·POINT·ED  
> /disəˈpoin(t)əd/ adjective  
> \--the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.  
> "They are crying, they are disappointed on this thing called FATE."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey~~ Thanks to Lilac_Gemini for the kudos...

 

 

**"Len chibi-chan? Are you okay?"**

 

After days of horrendous rape and brutality. I have spent some more days in his bed. He allowed me to heal and he allowed me to eat 3 meals a day. He even went so far to move the tv into the bedroom for my entertainment. Me, however, never showed any expression to him.I ignore the voice calling me; so what if he is Gakupo? To me, gakupo is a hero, someone i could rely on whenever i want. This person in front of me is my enemy and i am trapped in his good for god knows how many days, putting up to his sick torture.

 

**"I made you a breakfast. Do you want to eat?"**

 

I want to die.

Gakupo wanted to kiss me, but i instantly screamed and slap his face away from me. He tainted me far enough. I have nothing left for him to destroy.

 

**"Len."**

 

Don't you dare sound like you are hurt because your pain is nothing compare to the pain i have suffered. Why? Why does it have to be you? Why can't it be someone else?

**"Len, nothing i can do will ever make you forget and forgive i want you to know that i would never hurt you if you told me who you were in the first place."**

 

**"Why?"**

 

**I can't even recognize my own voice anymore. Did all the screaming messed it up to hoarse whisper?**

 

**"Len?"**

 

**"I believe in you. I foolishly believe in you would save me"**

 

My tears, flowing and landing on my bruised hand, start flowing out my disappointment. Why is the hero of my dreams the maker of my nightmare? I believe in Gakupo... I really did.

 

**"Gakupo, i wanted to see you so much. N-now i feel so damn disappointed"**

 

**"Le-"**

 

**"Don't touch me! You're just going to hit me again"**

 

**"I'm not going to hit you."**

 

**"I- i wanted you to save me. I guess the hero of my dreams never existed at all"**

 

**"No! I am still here! I am still the Gakupo you knew!"**

 

He is desperate to convince me. What is he trying to gain by having me forgiving him? Is he stupid? He purposely dragged me into this twisted game and now he wants me to pretend nothing have ever happened? We could never ever be the same again. There is always a limit to forgiving someone.

 

**"The Gakupo i grew up with 15 years ago in that small orphanage was gone. Right now, you are nothing more than a vile filth that has tainted me."**

 

**"Is-is that what you really think of me?"**

 

Gakupo took a deep breath and put both of his palms on his eyes. He screamed to the ceiling, at his own stupidity.

 

**"I-i would never hurt you...E-ever"**

 

Gakupo took a deep breath and put both of his palms on his eyes. He screamed to the ceiling, at his own stupidity

 

**"Well you did... This is fucking reality"**

 

**"I... Know what to do with myself"**

 

Somehow, i knew he was going to touch my hand but i didn't want to share any kind of warmth with this guy. So i flinched away from him and grabbed the covers closer to me.

 **"Get lost...Just...Just GET AWAY FROM ME! YOU FUCKING FREAK!"** Why is it so damn painful? The more i hurt him with words, the more painful my heart goes... **"Why?"** Will this cruel dream ever stop? I wanted to die so much. I wanted to die and have a peaceful life in the next.

 

**"Gakupo.."**

 

He is not longer my dream and happiness. Why do i keep calling his name as i cry out the despair? Everyday is the same routine of Gakupo coming into the bedroom asking me if i am hungry or needed a bath or toilet. As much as i want to avoid him, my body's not yet fully recovered to move on its own.

 

**"Just leave me alone and get out"**

 

**"Len don't be stubborn and let me wash your back"**

 

**"Why? So you can rape me? Fuck me with your cock or dildo?"**

 

**". . . ."**

 

Gakupo helped me into the tub of water and started to wash my back with a towel.

 

**"I could never hurt my chibi chan"**

 

**"Don't call me that... You killed chibi chan"**

 

**"Len"**

I don't know why but the moment his arms wrapped around my naked shoulders, i felt... Very...Safe. "Gaku...po..." Tears bothered my vision and i am crying again. No matter what kind of person he has became, it doesn't change the fact he is still Gakupo... "I want to hate you... I want to hate you so much..."

 

**"You should. I have hurt others apart from you, Len"**

 

**"I... I always hoped we would meet again...I wanted a future...With you"**

 

Meeting you should be the happiest day of my life ever, Gakupo why did everything have to come down like this?

 

**"Sshh, don't cry..."**

 

I didn't want him to help me dry but trying to do it myself was impossible.

 **"I hoped this is to your liking"** He gave me a pair of skinny black jeans and an oversized top saying " **Crazy Bananas** " It nearly made me smile, i am 24... I'm too old for this.

**"T-thanks"**

 

**"Someone will be here to pick you up, Len"**

 

**". . . ."**

 

**"We will wall our different paths after this"**

 

**"Okay"**

 

That is something best for both of us.

 

**"Len, i am sorry you had to see me like here"**

 

**"No. I am sorry for myself for meeting you, who would have thought my first love would be a rapist and an enemy to me..."**

 

**"I'm sorry"**

 

The door made knocking noises and Gakupo let out a sigh before he opened the door. He allowed two taller men to walked in.

"You are such a bastard! You know that?"

Is that Detective Hatsune?! The greatest detective in Japan! I looked at his right to see right to see a taller red-haired man... He must be Detective Shion...Why are they only ones here.

 

 **"Gakupo, who would've thought it would be you"** That voice...Shion sounds like exactly just like...

 

**"And what about you? Who would've thought you and Mikuo would be kicking bad guys in the ass?"**

 

**"Mikuo...Akaito..."**

 

In this normal looking home with menacing activities going on, all 4 of us from a little orphanage meet up after 15 long years.

 

 **"Oh my god"** Mikuo cupped my face and pulled me to a hug. His hug is so warm like it used to be... I let my eyes shut as he whispered 'chibi-chan' in my ear. Akaito punched Gakupo with anger. This time, Gakupo, my captor, didn't struggle.

 

 **"You bastard!"** I was not the only one crying Mikuo's crying Akaito's crying. "I'm sorry" and Gakupo also are all disappointed of this thing called " **Fate** ".

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know I promised to finish the story in a week, however, I was too occupied on other story. I'm sorry about that I really should finish this story first before posting a new one. Once again thank you for reading this chapter and kindly wait for the next chapter. Please comment down below if the story is getting hard to read or distracting because of the font style. Thanks! Will still try to finish this in a week, hopefully.


	5. LOVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ' I love you ' How many times that I have told you that? When I should have said ' Sorry '. 
> 
> I know I broke your heart, your trust, your fate in me. I know you regret knowing me, your memories of me.
> 
> I am sorry.

 

 

 

**"Len, Gakupo is... Gakupo is arrested and he is going to receive the capital punishment"**

 

Mikuo's nervous. Why? Did he think I would breakdown in tears? Not really?

 

**"Mikuo i am alright... I just.. I'm just three that's all"**

 

**"You were raped over and over again by that bastard...Are you really okay?"**

 

**"Yes"**

 

I know I'm in the safe hand since I'm in the hospital.  My doctor told me I'll have another week before I am stabilize to go home.  However, part of me is still in pain, my heart.

 

**"Len can i tell you something?"**

 

**"If its about Gakupo then i don't want to know"**

 

**". . . Do you want to hear about it at least once?"**

 

**"Why do i have to know?  Would it change a thing? Will it?"**

 

**"Len, I know you believed in Gakupo but you have to hear about this.  The reason behind Gakupo's serial killing"**

 

I don't give a shit at all...  He is going to die for his crimes anyway.  Telling me won't change a thing.  Nothing will ever be the same again.

 

**"Mikuo, you didn't have to say-"**

 

**"15 years ago, when Gakupo was adopted, he was living with a family... A family who didn't love him"**

 

**". . . ."**

 

**"The mother and father beat him up to show examples to their own children, they humiliated him, they didn't feed him properly, they didn't let him bath..."**

 

**"Mikuo are you saying its okay for him to do that to me because he has suffered himself?"**

 

**"I am not saying that.  I am just telling you of his past because it is the past that spawned his revenge towards others.  He hated everyone so he would make them suffer the same way he did.  His first kill was his adopted family's sister and then the mother"**

 

**"I am not surprised.  Can you go away now?  I want to rest"**

 

**"Len...  Gakupo is still Gakupo deep down...  It's just hatred made him forget about life's worth"**

 

The door of my room shut.  The moment he is gone.  Tears started to fall again.  Yes, I admit I feel sorry for Gakupo.  My Gakupo suffered in the hands of what was supposed to be a happy and loving family.  Gakupo used to tell me how much he looked forward to meet his new family...  Why did the Gods have to throw shit into his face and have him false hope?

**". . . . !"** It couldn't be... That one time when he visited...

 

 

_"Gakupo! I missed you! How are you?"_

_"Len! Don't jump on me!"_

_"Eh...I...I'm sorry...Gakupo...Sorry"_

_"W-wait...Len...Ssh. Don't cry."_

_"I'm sorry Gakupo. I didn't mean to hurt you..."_

_"I know...You're just being chibi-chan. I'm so sorry"_

_"Are you okay?"_

_"I.."_

_"Does your new mommy and daddy know?"_

_". . ."_

_"Gakupo?"_

_"They...They are well and healthy. They care for me so much"_

_"Really? Yay! I can't wait until i get adopted! Oh! Oh! I hope my new family will have a pet dog! Or even better! Let me have a pet dog! Tee-hee!"_

 

 

Now that I think about it.  That was the last ever time he visited.

 

**"Chibi chan?"**

 

I snapped out of my memories to see Akaito in front of me.  He looks so sad.

 

**"Gakupo...Gakupo is gone"**

 

Hearing that didn't make me feel better at all.  It made me as if the world's shaking and making me fall down to the sit of nothingness.

 

**". . . ."**

 

I don't know what to say;didn't I wish for Gakupo's death?  Didn't I look forward to this moment.

 

**"In his last request, he told me to give you this...  Do you remember this chibi-chan?"**

 

Akaito put an object on my lap and i gasped straight away.

 

**"My music box"**

 

**"Me and Mikuo were given letters inside it.  We've already read ours"**

 

**"Akaito why were you and Mikuo the only one who came?"**

 

**"Because he called up.  He somehow got hold of our numbers and called up to take him for custody"**

 

**"-So you guys already knew this would happen?"**

 

**"Gakupo wanted this to happen.  We didn't know why now of all times"**

 

Akaito looked down at me and start ruffling my hair gently.

 

**"I guess Gakupo wanted to get rid of his hate and revenge all for you, chibi-chan"**

 

**". . . ."**

 

_' I know what to do with myself '_

 

Everything is so clear like glass now.  Gakupo intended this to happen.  He wanted the death sentence called upon him.

 

**"It was- it was hard for both me and Mikuo to come to terms with this.  We are very disappointed but in the end, he did the right thing.  Coming out with honesty and regrets."**

 

**"Akaito, I'm scared"**

 

**"Do you want me to read it out to you?"**

 

**"Hmm"**

 

I gave the music box...

 

Akaito opens the box...

 

 

_Dear Len my dearest chibi chan_

_Once you receive this letter means I am no longer in this world._

_And I have gone somewhere from where you are. I know its not heaven for sure because I have not only hurt you but others as well._

_I don't deserve to see you in afterlife. I am sad because i wanted to see you so much after 15 years of separation._

_Now that i see you, i didn't make you smile one bit and i made you cry instead._

 

_Len, I am sorry for putting you through suffering._

_If i could turn back time, i would never hurt you and i would instead love you and protect you like i used to._

_In the little orphanage, i didn't want to destroy your view of what a family was with my own broken dreams so i stayed silent to my suffering so you can be eager for the day you were adopted too._

 

_I wonder..._

 

_If I had told you my suffering would you begged me to stay with you?_

_Would I be put back in the orphanage and wait for Mikuo and Akaito to come back and visit us with their new toys?_

_I am not afraid to die.  From the moment you looked at me with tears and fright , I knew it will be the end for me, and us._

 

_I'm sorry for destroying your future._

_I'm sorry for everything._

_In the end, I want to make things right one more time for chibi-chan._

_I will disappear from your world and suffer in the crimes I have done._

 

 

_Len, if we will meet again._

 

 

 

_If life will allow me and you to see each other again._

 

 

 

 

_Will you let me hold you in my arms?_

 

 

 

 

 

_Will you let me whisper those words I never got a chance to say?_

 

 

 

 

 

_I love you, Len._


	6. Are You Still Here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I had held onto you that day,
> 
> If I had held you back would fate change?
> 
> Will you suffer if I had held you back?
> 
> I bet you were screaming for me to hold you back then…

 

 

 

"Len, are you okay?"

 

"Mikuo If I had held him back… Would he have told us the truth?"

 

"I don't know… We can't turn back time no matter how much we wish it?"

 

"If I held him back.. Gakupo will still be saved, he wouldn't suffer, we will be happy"

 

"Len don't be like this. Please"

 

"Mikuo, I miss him"

 

2 years later reminds me of nothing.  Each tomorrow only reminded of your emptiness.  My world without you is a world without colors.  If I hadn't been naïve, will you survive this turn of fate?

 

Gakupo, every time I shut my eyes, I could picture the way you scream for me as you were abused.  I guess it must be karma for me to suffer your pain through your own hands.

 

"Akaito, what did the doctor say?"  Mikuo s hair is shorter and cut it into a bob.  Stylish as always.

 

"They said we can take Len out.  He is well enough, Mikuo, don't worry about a thing,"  Akaito is still handsome as ever despite being the oldest.

 

"But he hasn't spoken to us in ages! I am worried about Len; he's been staring at the wall for ages"

 

I, on the other hand, became weaker, paler, sicker and crazed.  I am disgustingly horrible just looking at the mirror.  The food taste nothing and I don't feel warm when I bath.  I can't laugh when I watch my favorite comedy.  I have made myself disgusting where I can be happy and you can't.  I want to die.  I want a new life where you and I can be happy.  That's all I want.

 

"I hope that living with us will guide him back to the right path"

 

"I hope so.  I miss the old chibi-chan."

 

"I miss him too"

 

Will I be able to live my life knowing my dream is destroyed and not what I wanted?  Will I be able to live knowing you are not here anymore?

 

"Akaito , he is crying again!" Mikuo, every time I look at you and Akaito reminds me of our days back in that tiny orphanage; We may not be a family related by blood but we still had each other.  I wonder why I was so fixated on having a perfect family, Gakupo will...

 

"Len, whatever happened is not your fault at all"

 

Yes it is, Akaito.  I had a chance to save him.  I had a chance to save Gakupo.  I was his hope and I messed up.

 

"Len don't cry.  We don't want to see you like this. "

 

You are wrong again, Akaito.  My tears means nothing.  Gakupo's crying all these years and the years from this incident means nothing to Gakupo's pain and suffering.

 

"Mikuo, what should we do?  Len is destroyed.  Maybe reading that letter to him wasn't such a good idea."

 

"No" my voice is so weak but I had to tell him that is not true. " The letter, it means a lot to me.  Gakupo loved me.  He love me.  He only wanted to protect me. "

 

Please wipe these tears away and this painful feeling inside me.

 

"Gakupo, always loved you. You are special to him. You always been."

 

"Akaito, i love him too"

 

"I know you do Len, i know you do"

 

 

 

This is why I decided

. . .

I HAVE DECIDED TO DO THE RIGHT THING

FOR GAKUPO ...

 

 

"Akaito, please!  Let me go to him!"

 

A small bottle fell out of my grasp.  The drug is slowly robbing my strength.

 

" Len "  Akaito, you always reprimand me for the stupid things.  But now you don't have the heart to say a thing.  Are you broken you decided to let me have my way for once?

 

" Mikuo... " In my last moments please let me fell the warmth of your hands that I held when I was a little.  Thank you.  Thank you for everything.  Thank you. " Thank . . . you "

 

" Len don't die!  Why did you have to do that!  You could have had the chance to move on! " Mikuo has always been the caring one. I hope to meet him in the next life.

 

"If Gakupo can't move on.  It's not fair.  I won't either"

 

"Len"

 

"Mikuo I'm sorry will you forgive me for being stupid one last time?"

 

"Chibi chan always gets away with everything"  Mikuo and Akaito's hands are so warm

 

 

_Aaahh..._

 

 

_PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR DYING..._

 

 

 

_" Gakupo, why is Mikuo and Akaito licking each others lips?"_

_" God! Will you two get a room?!  Quit tainting Len's young mind!"_

_" Gakupo, will we lick each others lips too?"_

_" What the? Uh ... Well ... If ... You ... want to when we're older "_

_"Yay!~"_

 

 

_" Gakupo, can i have your banana ice cream?"_

_"Eh? What happened to your own?"_

_" Akaito ate it"_

_" Here then "_

_" Yay!~"_

 

 

_"Len, why are you crying?"_

_" i had a bad dream Gakupo"_

_" What did you dream of?"_

_" Gakupo crying"_

_" What the? That is the most ridiculous thing ever, why do you need to cry about that?"_

_" Because Gakupo is crying and i don't like it"_

_" Come here then~"_

 

 

 

 

If we meet again in the next life

. . . .

. . . . .

Please

 

 

 

 

Please tell me every part of your suffering and hold onto me

Because i will hold onto you and I will make sure that I won't let you go

Mikuo and Akaito were the only ones alive to remember both Gakupo and Chibi chan

. . . .

. . . .

. . . .

BUT

 

 

IF

 

 

If time could be turned back and let fate be rewritten...

 

 

would the ending be different?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking time to read this story. I am glad that you read the story until the end.
> 
> I'm going to post a new story about Vocaloids, and this time it will be lighter, for sure.
> 
> If you like this story feel free to check out the new story Vana N Ice. It's GakuLen, KaitoxAkaito and KiyoteruxMiku.
> 
> Once again, thank you for showing support!!!!!


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